I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
