it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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