Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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