i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
