don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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