Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
