is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
