you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
