You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
