My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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