I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Randomize
