We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
