my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
