You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
