I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Randomize
