I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
