Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
