All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Randomize
