the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
