I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
