He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I smell like Dick and happiness
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
