well most of my day revolves around power hour
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
