yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
