I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Randomize
