I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
