i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
