im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Enjoy the penises
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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