I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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