Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
