Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Randomize
