u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize