Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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