Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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