their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
