Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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