It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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