i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
