I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
She swung at the pinata with crutches
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
