On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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