sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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