i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
