Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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