That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
