Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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