He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
True strength comes from lack of pants
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
