Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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