omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Randomize
