pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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