you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
