whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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