NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
