I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
