yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
