# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
