Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
