We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
