sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
