I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
As shirtless as possible
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
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