you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
