Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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