did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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