Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
