Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
