So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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