i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
