there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
