I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
