Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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