96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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